Anonymous,
I miss you so much! I even miss the parts of you I never got to meet. I’m writing this message to you, Dad. The Daddy I never got to fully remember. Daddy, what did I do? I don’t remember doing anything that would cause me to lose your unconditional love. Being without you feels like a piece of me was never finished and will never be because I know I could never get a chance to be your baby girl again.
Growing up, I wanted to admire you, love you, and look up to you. Since you’ve been gone, I have been lost. The connection between my mind, body, and soul is gone. I don’t know the boundaries of love.
You left me so open that I don’t know when to shut the door. I don’t know when to say, “Enough is enough.” Even when I know it to be true, I’m chasing love in all the wrong places. I can’t accept my worth. The longer you’re away, the harder it becomes to see my value, the value of someone you created.
I feel like going back to you unhealed is double the pain for me because I’m now realizing. You were never here. I just wish I knew way sooner in life how hard it would be to love, unloved.
My generation carries deep pain and the weight of being unloved. How do I heal from brokenness? How do I find myself, lost in you?
Sincerely,
A Fatherless Adult